The Jeff Hardy Story Part 1: Tragedies
by BecauseShewasBORED
Summary: He was a train wreck, a mess of a man. Could he find love on the streets before it was too late? Or would he find something even more important? This is why you read the genre people. Slash and swearing, full warning inside.


**_A/N; Okay, this spawned from my recent expeditions into a place I know pisses me off -namely, Jeff Hardy's fandom. I really should know better, but I went in anyway, and here's the result. Now, let me make this VERY VERY clear; _**

**_I am NOT making fun of rape or abuse._**

**_Even as messed up as I am, I wouldn't go that far. I am however, making lots and lots of weak ass jokes about how Jeffrey Sue is portarayed in fanfiction. _**

**_That being said, if you still choose to get offended about my apparent lighthearted rape jokes, that is your problem. You have been warned._**

**_Warnings; Crude humor, fandom bashing, character bashing, mean spirited fandom directed jokes, OOC-ness, general stupidity, suggestions that Kelly is NOT a raging whore and its just fan-haters wishful thinking, Jeff being called a drug addict, Jeff being made to look stupid (though his fandom does that enough, really) and lots of other things that are gerally offensive. _**

"OMGEEZUS!" shrieked the unessisarily obnoxous blond haired girl, "Its the town whore!"

The bright green/bright yellow/bright rainbow haired boy continued walking, somehow managing to both egnore the shrill accusation and let it hurt his feeling at the same time. Hunching his shoulders in a way that was definitely not wounded and shaking his ass in a way that was TOTALLY not slutty, he walked away from Kelly Kelly and her nameless friends, mulling over her words for no reason.

She was a liar, of course. And a hypocrite. I mean, she was Kelly Kelly, the most hated Diva- STUDENT in WWE High, so of course she was a COMPLETE AND TOTAL SLUUUUUUUT. On a stick. On every guy in the schools stick. And he knew because... he just did, DON'T QUESTION THE DRUG ADDICTS WISDOM!1!

Anyway.

Yeah, like he was saying, he totally wasn't a slut. Sluts don't get paid -uh, never mind.

* * *

><p>"Who's my little bitty slut puppy?" cooed Adam in a totally non-OOC way, giving Jeff a big sloppy kiss of pure smexy awshumness right there in the corridor -which made the other people in the hall start heckling, but Jeff and his friends didn't care. They were here, queer so everyone would have to just get used to their ultra-aweshum-speschulness. Bitches.<p>

"ADDY!" screeched Jeff in a completely noramal voice, flinging himself into the mans arms and kissing him for all he was worth. Their group of friends laughed as the couple began dry humping each other right there in the hallway, moaning and groaning in ecstasy. Not that that made them obscene or disgusting. After all, public sex is HAWT and SHMEXY. Bitches.

"JEFFY!" shrieked one of Jeffrey-Sues worshipers- I mean friends. He droped his bag, shoved his beloved girlfriend away, and practically leaped on Jeff, who turned and met him halfway.

"Cena!" Jeff responded, wrapping his arms around the other man and proceeding to make out with him as well.

Thankfully, before it could morph into a giant orgy, some random teachers (I don't know, like, Shawn or something. Geez, just PICK one of the old guys, not like there needs to be a REASON) came along and told them to get going, school was over.

Deprived of there in-school sex party, the group made its way outside where their 2.5 million dollar cars waited (not Jeffs though. His past was, like, too tragic and stuff, so that automaticly made him poor. And emo. And pitiable. And adorably psychopathic. Did I mention tragic?)

"Jeffs riding home with meeeee!" screeched Adam.

"No meee!" shrieked Cena.

"No meeee!" whined Matt (ZOMG FANGIRL-GASM!1!111! HARDYCEST IS SOOOO NOT NASTY!1!)

"No me." growled Mark.

"No me!" huffed Glenn.

"Generic smartass insult followed by non-drugged out witty comeback from Jeffrey Heroin." threw in Phil Brooks as he passed with his emo outcast friends (because everyone knows emo and straight edge are the same thing)

"No guys, its ok. I'm going to walk home by myself. Its not like I'm going to get, like, raped or mauled on the way home or anything," said Jeff, already walking away. He was Jeffrey Sue after all, EVERYONE did what he said without question. Bithces.

* * *

><p>"Ooh!" said Jeff to himself, looking down the dark, ominous alley before him, filled with overflowing trashcans and shaddows, "An oportunity to victimize myself even more! Yays!"<p>

He skipped down the alley, oblivious to all but the visions of spiderwebs drifting through his mind, never noticing the threatening and completely unexpected shadow moving behind him.

**_A/N; Cue unnecessarily dramatic music while Jeffrey Sue gets himself raped. And yeah, like I said before, if comments like that make you mad, you really shouldn't read my work. Though I do wonder (this is a rhetorical question) would you be mad if I wrote a "hot" rape scene instead? _**


End file.
